Down the memory lane of 2017.

As I am writing this, It is already the 31st of December 2017. The last day of 2017. How do I start writing this? A memory lane of 2017, but I would say 2017 was one of the most mundane year of my life. This was the year which I was filled up with work, projects and also what I would want to do in the future. This year also made me grew so much, made me cherish life and the people around me so much more. 

So what happened this year you might ask? Nothing really interesting happened but I think the little me really grew a lot within this year through the experiences, the hurt and the pains. I vividly remember kick-starting 2017 with so much of hope and love. I hoped that whoever remained in my life in 2016 would do the same in 2017. Unfortunately, not all stayed. Some left and I would be lying if I said it does not bother me.

So a few days ago, I received this book that I purchased online written by a really beautiful lady, Miss Lindy Tsang also known as bubzbeauty on youtube. And if you know me well, I love reading. I already finished reading the book within 4 days, but there would always be this chapter that you love in a book like right? There was this chapter which I could relate to most and I really love. It was "Building a Beautiful Heart." There must be a reason why I reached that chapter on that day. This chapter basically taught us how to have a beautiful heart in such an "ugly" world.

The following were some of my favourite read in that chapter of the whole book.

Water Your Garden

Think of your heart as a garden. If you want it to thrive and bloom, you need to water it with love, kindness, compassion, positivity and gratitude. If you neglect your garden, all you may get in return are weeds. Certain seasons may come alone to make conditions harsh for us, so our garden might shrink at times, but if we persevere, we know our garden will bloom again soon. We can turn life's hardship and experiences into fertiliser that helps us grow and flourish. With a beautiful heart, we can transform life's ugly situations into beautiful lessons. There's no way around it; a beautiful life can only come with a beautiful heart.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is actually a sign of true inner strength. Anger and hatred do not protect you; they only cripple you. If you've been har-boring anger over a past offense for a while, perhaps its time you let go so you can continue to chase your dreams without being weighed down by baggage from the past.  

Reading the book made me realise that being resentful over things that happened in the past really hurt me, may it be me being in the "she/he left first, if someone should apologise, it should be them" or "its probably becos of me that they left." Now I feel like, its time to forgive them and also forgive myself. It's really getting tiring to actually hate or even dislike someone. Normally I don't even like their pictures on Instagram, but I think its okay now to like their photos? HAHAHAHA. It's raining so heavily when I'm typing this. I think its hard to forgive someone who had hurt you once and its even harder to forgive yourself, but I'm learning each day on how to get back up on my own feet. "Do yourself a favour and forgive." s2017, I had learnt so much things, to focus on things that matter and have the gratitude for life. Each of my post up on my instagram, it was a reminder for me to be thankful for each and every experience that I had, be it small or big. Knowing someone else is going through something even more tough that what you're going through, knowing someone else do not even have a roof over your head while everyday you go to sleep with a full stomach. All these make me really feel grateful.

The before me would spend the whole night reflecting on what really went wrong? Do I have the rights to blame the other party? No, It takes two hands to clap, to make a sound. It wasn't necessarily their fault, few months ago; I texted a really back-then close friend, before texting I was still contemplating on whether I should text her since it was really her who cut off all contact. With the thought of "perhaps I won't receive any text back?", I still texted her. True enough, I didnt receive a reply back but I wasn't angry. Instead I was thankful, thankful that I gave myself a chance to forgive her for what she had done. If you know me well and if you do read my previous posts, I was never the type to handle friendships really well but somehow, friendships really mean so much to me. 

"But to all those friendships that i forged with some of them, it will still remain at the corner of my heart despite how we ended. I'm saying this sincerely. Again, to those close friends which had turned to memories, I hope someday we will get to share more of our lives than just exchanging glances. I hope that we are able to grab a cup of Starbucks and spend the whole afternoon laughing at each other's stories becos we didn't realise how good a cup of Starbucks would taste until we had it with each other. I hope someday we get to spend time instead of wasting it. But for now, meant us to be hi-bye strangers.  For now, I'm just glad to have bumped into "you" for the smallest time we passed by each other, even if it was a small bump and shaped a dent in me. A dent that I wouldn't be able to easily forget. 

And to you if you know and if you read this you would know, when everything else is well, when we are ready once again, with enough time. Then we will meet again. And when that someday comes, I sincerely and wholeheartly hope that there will be room for us."

Signing off for the last time of 2017, Goodbye 2017 and Welcoming 2018 with a grateful heart.