When?

Its so suffocating, knowing its been so long, knowing its time to let go yet a part of me still couldn't.

"刪掉你手機的訊息
清空你專屬的抽屜
如果可以的話
多想 從來沒認識過你"

I don't even know why i still could feel this way. I don't even know why is it that when it comes to you, i wish that I've never met you. I always thought we would be a circle, ended up we became parallel lines, or even perpendicular lines. We met once, and proved to each other that we were not meant to be. At first, we eagerly moved towards each other like the attraction of the opposites of a magnet. It started off simple, nothing special, nothing worth storytelling but it will always be my favourite. No matter how crappy or bad it seems, i looked forward to something - you making me smile. Then all of a sudden, we gave up on what we promised each other at the start. 

I always thought its becos of you that i've started to close off to every possible other. But in the end, i found out its becos of me alone. Its the memories that's holding me back. I don't even know how to not make it hold me back. I hate to be feeling this way, I hate that i'm this weak, I hate that i'm still stuck after so long and what's worse is not knowing when i will be able to escape this. I don't know if you'll be reading this, I doubt so. The memories never fail to remain in that small area of mine and no matter how much i make myself believe that you're no longer there, you're still there at the end of the day. Its been so long, I thought its time, its time for me to start anew. But no, I'm pulled once again. 

When will i be able to escape everything? When will i be able to start anew? When will i be able to open my heart?

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